Friday, January 06, 2012

Things I hope to never hear my daughter say

I don’t have to be smart Daddy, I’m pretty.

Commodore 64?  Is that some kind of car?

I can’t do math, I’m a girl.

It’s okay, I’m just a girl.

So, I’m not going to go to university/college/vocational school because I’ve decided to move in with [whoever it is she’s in love with]
I don’t need to know how to change a tire, they have tow trucks now.

I don’t need to know how to read a map, phones have GPS now.

But Daddy, EVERYONE wears a bikini to school!

Don’t worry about it Daddy, if it doesn’t work out, we’ll just get a divorce!

It’s not his fault Daddy, he can’t help losing his temper, I just keep making him angry.

I can’t eat today because I had a cupcake yesterday.

Hang on a second Daddy, I have another call coming in on my neural implant.

Snooki is such an inspiration to me.

Paris Hilton is such an inspiration to me.

Perez Hilton is such an inspiration to me.

Daddy, “ho” is just a word, it doesn’t mean anything.

Mom says you can’t have any more bacon.

But Daddy, bigger boobs will get me more work (it really doesn’t matter what kind of work we’re talking about here.)

I’m going to fly to [wherever] to meet this guy I met online.  (I suppose it’s better that she’s telling me, but still...)

Did you know pi is equal to exactly three?

Disco is the best music ever, did they have this when you were young?

Yeah, The Beach Boys and The Beatles are okay bands, but the musical innovation and the creativity of The Monkees are inspirational to me.

The coach told us not to tell our parents.

Technically, this isn’t something I’d hear from my daughter, it’s that look that says “you’re such an idiot, I can’t believe you walk upright.”

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